"The 11 commandments"

Wonder how to get promoted? Wonder how to make it to the top? How to survive and thrive?

This is the government service guide which you cannot buy off the bookshelves, nor learn from your classroom. This is accumulated from years of observation, experience and a little bit of common sense. And mainly accumulated from people who had excelled in it and lived to tell the tale.

Note : This is not for entrepreneurs, nor people seeking excellence. But for people who simply want to get the best out of government service. Ok, let's go.

1) Don't be a smart alec. Stay low. After all bosses don't like smart alecs. Makes them look stupid. If your boss says jump, ask how high?

2) Never criticize. Keep acquainted with phrases like "Wow, this is great!" or "I'm sure this will take the world by storm!" or "You're so smart!". If you use it often enough, you become a valuable "team player".

3) Don't be too efficient. The more work you do, the more you'll get.

4) Never aim to get top marks for anything. After all if you're at 100% this year, the only way you can go from there is down! Better start off with 10% and double it every year. Then you'll have 100 % improvement for the next 4-5 years. Very useful for that SKT thingy. You might even get the best improved employee award!

5) Always do your paperwork. It's all in the numbers. That's all anybody sees.

6) Read your general orders like a bible. Do you know you're entitled for tea time?

7) Do your work slowly and keep asking stupid questions. It makes you look conscientious and hardworking. And of course it makes your boss appears supremely clever.

8) Always grab any opportunity to leave office. Be it for courses or "volunteer work" or even some stupid programmes. None of this is real work. But it appears legitimate and will even earn you extra brownie points.

9) Always buy some cheapo stuffs for the guards, clerks and generally anybody who can make your life more pleasant. Buy a RM1 nasi lemak for the security guard and rest assured you will have unopposed entry at all times. Sometimes even free entry to carparks. For eternity.

10) Get pregnant yearly and breastfeed continuously. You are assured of maximal maternity and medical leave. None can be questioned.

11) And lastly don't forget, buy that punch card machine off some junkyard. It's priceless. Coupled with a handphone, you could be working and holidaying in Hawaii.

More shall be revealed in time to come...